Airplanes and Shooting Stars
by tankygirl
Summary: Serena would give Blair the world, if only that wasn't Dan Humphrey.


_Can we pretend the airplanes in the night's sky are like shooting stars?_

_I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now_

* * *

><p>There isn't a time in her life Serena can remember when she didn't wish for Blair's happiness. As children it seemed like one of the most important things in the universe, and Serena was always tractable for her best friend. For all the turmoil in their lives growing up, this remained constant.<p>

When Chuck had traded her to Jack Bass for the Empire, Serena had wished Blair peace. When Louis came into her life, she wished him to be the man Blair wanted him to be. And when he wasn't, Serena wished for fate to show Blair there are good men in the world. All Serena has ever wanted for Blair was happiness; she'd have given anything for it.

She never thought anything would be Dan Humphrey.

* * *

><p>Serena walks robotically into the bar of the Empire, not sure why her aimless wandering led here. But she couldn't go to the Waldorf penthouse and see…her. And she couldn't go home and explain why she was there to Lily and Rufus. She could have gone to the Palace, she supposes. When her eyes rest on the back of Chuck's head, bowed as he nurses a drink, she realises she came to the Empire because it's his, and that makes it feel like a place that is safe from Dan and Blair and <em>DanandBlair.<em>

As she slips in beside him, Chuck wordlessly signals for the bartender to bring her a drink-one she hasn't had since she was sixteen- and regards her with a slight nod. Serena studies his profile, the set of his jaw and expressionless glaze of his eyes, and her heart swells with familiarity. Not for the first time, she feels a deep kinship with him, like their lives run parallel to one another. He remains silent and finishes his neat scotch, refilling the glass with the nearly empty bottle beside him. She wonders if it was full when he started, and lays a hand gently on his arm,

"Are you okay?" Her voice is soft and sad, and she hates it. Serena expects him to stiffen beneath her touch; Chuck has never been one to share his feelings. Instead, he rests his hand on her own and looks at her with a face of stone.

"Are you?" It's more an answer than a question, and she sighs, taking a sip of the martini before her.

Fate loves to bring them together in suffering.

* * *

><p>Chuck's intuitive, and Serena's room is prepared without her asking. She slips beneath the covers, looking out the window opposite at the lights of the city, the city that never sleeps. She's motionless and alone for the first time since she saw <em>them<em> together, and surprisingly feels….nothing. Numbness has created a fragile layer which gives the illusion of emptiness, but it sits atop a storm of guilt and hurt and bitterness that rages within her.

The lights reflect off the shadowed surfaces, and Serena knows all the people in her life are out there amongst them, and she _wishes_ even just one of them were here. It's a vain hope.

There is no way she could dump this on Nate, he suffered through her indecision last year the same as…_him..._and it seems a cruel joke to take the issues between her and Dan to him now. Chuck has shut off emotionally, and she couldn't drag him back into it if he's found a way to escape. Lily would be kind, but if Serena explains what happened, if she says it out loud, she doesn't think she could handle it.

The sad truth, the tragedy of the situation, is that the people she wants, the people she loves the most in the whole world, are Dan and Blair.

She starts to cry.

* * *

><p>Serena holes up at the Empire for two days and speaks to no-one but Lily and room service when her phone vibrates. She cautiously checks it isn't Blair for the twenty second time or Dan for the thirty first, and flips it open.<p>

_Well well well, I thought in all my years on the Upper East Side I'd seen it all. Clearly not. Hold onto your hats and headbands, and go buy a lottery ticket, because this has to be the least likely pairing ever to grace my inbox._

_Spotted: Queen B and Lonely Boy…_

Serena throws the cellphone at the wall.

She isn't sure what the rest of the message says and doesn't much care, but all of a sudden she's full of unadulterated anger. She squeals, a shrill unpleasant sound, and drops to the bed, burying her face in the pillows. Serena feels like breaking something, like hitting someone, but it's mitigated by the fact that the person she's most angry at is herself.

She thinks on last year, on how she'd flipped back and forth between Dan and Nate and wishes she'd been honest with him sooner. Serena muses on Colin, who she'd used to distance herself from Dan when the memory of being dumped at Lily and Bart's wedding had come back acute and savage. Ben's face comes to mind, and how she'd thought he was the safer option, a version of Dan she cared little for but could hurt her so much less. All the missed opportunities, all the times she questioned his resolve and shied away from the commitment she craved and feared at the same time, and the person she wants to hit is herself.

Of all the mistakes she's made, Serena's never hated herself quite so much as she does now. She's angry at Blair for playing her stupid games once again, trying to get them together only to kiss him later. She wonders if this is her long awaited revenge for what happened with Nate at the Sheppard wedding, but Serena paid for that, she _bled _for that, and she as hurt as she is she doesn't believe Blair is that cruel. The only other option is the one she cannot face but must; Dan has feelings for Blair, and she has them for him.

Serena _wants_ to be happy for Blair on a cognitive level, and she deserves a man who will treat her well. But as much as she thinks it she cannot feel it, she can feel nothing but pain and bitterness, and the idea of her with Dan actually makes her nauseous. In one fell swoop, she's lost the most important people in her life. She could swallow her pride, her hurt and love, and have them both, but she'd never _have _them both, and Serena doesn't think she has the strength within her to do it anyway.

Serena picks up her cellphone and rings Lily, who she tells nothing other than _book a flight_, then begins thinking of just how far away from New York she can get. The Gossip Girl blast is still open, and she sees their names together one last time before deleting it.

Dan loves Blair, and Blair may love Dan, and there's nothing Serena can do about it other than be heartbroken.

A part of her itches to lash out, to strike at them both until they feel as she does, but Serena's never had the cold cruel streak her best friend does; instead, she has the overwhelming urge to run, run far and fast until the city and everyone in it can be buried beneath laughter with strangers and the feel of sunshine on her skin.

Since they were children, Serena has wished for nothing but Blair's happiness. Whatever games Blair wanted to play, wherever and whatever Blair wanted, all Serena did was love her and try to make her smile. She'd give her the world.

She wishes with every atom of her being that the world wasn't Dan Humphrey.

* * *

><p>AN: I hurt so much for Serena right now. I own nothing, the song or the characters. Please review :)


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